Three Years!

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I can’t believe it’s been three years already since I decided to start this blog. Amazing how time flies by and you just don’t notice.

I had much bigger dreams about what this blog would be by now. Unfortunately health, depression, anxiety, pain, exhaustion and lack of self-belief has hindered it’s growth. But that doesn’t mean that it will stay that way.

I have so many great ideas and a passion that just won’t quit. I dream of being more than I am each night, and I am learning to see the awesomeness that I have right now each day. I know that I am a strong woman and that I have one helluva story to tell. I now must gather the confidence each day to just write. To write the characters that are screaming to be free. To write the fictional stories that want to be told.

And to finally tell my own life story from a place of truth and wisdom. My story  has the potential to heal what is broken within myself, and also the power to touch someone else through what I have learned along the way.

I promise to be real each and every time I press ‘publish’ – for both the reader and the story teller. You may see words on a screen, but I can assure you that I have laid my heart out for you. Writing is my truth, my lifeline, and my freedom. It is a gift to me each time they are read. Thank you for sharing my gift.

Let me know what you think of my writing, and my courage to gift you more will grow. Give me some love!

As always, Passionately Written…

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March Writing Madness

Book Butterflies

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Today is March 1. I have decided to write for 31 days this month, not to miss a day even for sickness or exhaustion. If I want to continue gaining strength as a writer, I need to darn well write.

 

Writing has been my love, my escape, and my clear, creative communication for almost all of my life. I have always loved the feelings when someone reads my work; therefore I have wanted to be a published author since I was 10 years old. I was published in the newspaper when I was in my 20’s; was a very good ghost writer in my 30’s; and I taught myself business writing and social media basics so I could write for several businesses and a couple of charities in my 30’s and 40’s. Now in my mid-40’s, I have also been a book reviewer for an International Spiritual magazine, and started 2 blogs – one for my creative writing and passionate musings, and one book review blog that allows me to read books by my peers and have my own literary thoughts published to help others. I love writing and I love to be read. These are great platforms for my creativity.

And then procrastination and self doubt enter. With them slinks in perfectionism and fear of failure – or was it fear of success? I think that one is a double-sided coin. But why do these evil traits, moods, emotions, life-slaughtering, crazy-inducing, talent-doubting pains in my patootie have to ruin what I love so dearly? I hate the mind chatter. I abhor the editing dialogue. I crave to dismantle the OCD blurts of incompetence at the peak of my creative flow. I need to lock up the critic, the mime, the doubting Sammie, the evader of all things good. I must conquer my lax inner demons with determination, tenacity, and good old ass-whoopin’ ambition. Time to sit at the keyboard with fingers limber and ready, or the pen hovering over the blank page. It is now or never, woman! Just do it!

Whoa ya! I feel the epistle juices flowing in me now. The blood is pumping, and the fingers are tapping. This is the feeling I love. Writing is a daily challenge in itself, but like many other daily habits, I can create a positive routine. I want to get my words out as easily as I used to. I was younger and healthier, but I ain’t dead yet. There is so much left in me to tell. I believe that you can keep learning until the moment you take your last breathe, and to me writing is the greatest way to learn about myself. When writing I am genuine and completely in tune to myself. It is like when I meditate – I go into the deepest part of me that not even my conscious self can see. It is the truly awakened part of me. Writing is a blessing that was given to me by God, and it is up to me to honour this blessing by using it to the best of my ability. I need to share it with the world because I am good at it and I have a lot of things to say that could touch someone that needs it. I can’t waste my gift. So it’s time to push away all those doubts and fears and become the best writer I can be each and every day. So here’s to March and my writing madness. May they be 31 days of beauty, tenacity, and learning abundance.

As always, Passionately Written…

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Choosing Freedom

Yesterday was a pretty amazing day in Canada. Bell Let’s Talk day raised over $6.2 million. Just one call, text, tweet, and share at a time, Canadians coast-to-coast helped to break the stigma surrounding mental illness in Canada. I am proud to have participated in this initiative. I believe in it because mental illness has touched my life in many ways. I have lived with depression and anxiety for 28 years, but I didn’t always know what it was. Others in my family have also had bouts with depression or anxiety, but it was never talked about. How can you get better if you never talk about what is wrong? And why must there be shame in the struggles that can’t be seen?

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There is power in numbers, as we saw in the 126 million #BellLetsTalk communications yesterday. But more than that, there is power in voice. It takes just one person to speak up for a ripple effect to begin. Start talking in your family, school, office, or community and see what happens. If you are struggling, isn’t it nice to have someone there to talk to? Well, maybe someone in your life just needs to know you will listen. Open the conversation and see who jumps in.

Earlier today, I read a wonderful article in Chatelaine Magazine. Stephanie Reidy wrote about her 20 year battle with depression, and it really resonated with me – the feelings, the denial, and the ultimate choice of getting help or losing everything. Stephanie’s story is similar to a lot of people; one big difference is that she got help and now tells her story to others in the hopes of connecting with at least one person meant to hear it that day. This is the piece that resonated with me the most. I, too, have told my story of abuse and pain to others in the hopes of making a difference in just one person’s life. I may never know who I may help, but I feel that everything I have gone through in my life will be worth it if just one person hears my story and speaks up about their own.

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I am just one person in a sea of many, but I am ready to start the ripple effect. Who will be the next to tell their story?

As always, it is Passionately Written.

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Wading Through The Darkness

Feel Better

I have mental illness. I fight to see a brighter side to the darkness each day, and sometimes each minute. Laughter, newly fallen snow, and beautiful bright sunny days are the best canvas for me to paint my smile. Writing is my drug of euphoria. My daughter is my daily gift. I have mental illness, but you may not ever see it unless you know me. There is no better way to combat stigma than with education and using your voice. Write it; speak it; whisper it; scream it; sing it; sign it. Any way will work if you just keep the message going. Mental illness sucks; let’s beat it at it’s own game. Don’t be silent! Be proud, be courageous, and be healthy! #BellLetsTalk

Now, shall we start the conversation? Who feels brave enough to say that mental illness has touched their life? It isn’t something to be ashamed about. Saying it will give you the empathy to be there for your loved one, the courage to stand and fight your own battle, or the chance at eradicating the stigma of mental illness in your own community. Stand up and be heard. I’m listening. You aren’t alone.

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Passionately Written by yours truly…

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More Than the Written Word

What are those things that cross the page in neat little sentences? Words? No. Dare I say thoughts and emotions? Why, yes. They glide smoothly from the mind to the fingertips and are lightly punched into magical realms that cross the screen for all to see. But what kind of sorcery might this be? I’ll let you in on a little secret.

Words on a page

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Words are very powerful. Individually they may seem somewhat odd, weak, or even insignificant. But when time is taken to properly, painstakingly knit them together into a fabric, the power behind each word is incredible.

My love for words can sometimes be overwhelming. The act of writing brings about a heady excitement that one might find while taking drugs or during an exceptionally intimate moment. I can’t say I have experienced either of those particular events lately so writing is my adrenaline rush as well as my romantic liaison. And yes, I am sober and lonely. So very, very lonely. So lonely that…well, let’s not get into that right now.

Being a writer as a child was an incredible feeling. I wrote the things that were in my head and heart and they came out as stories filled with magic, emotion, and realism. It didn’t take much effort to write for much of my youth. But as I hit my early adult years the realization that words could raise a person up as well as cut them down became a shadow lurking around the corner. I have experienced both the positive and the negative that words can create. I have watched as people are cut down with one statement and expected to forgive and forget with the next. Judgement, anger, and pain are written in the same manner as that of optimism, happiness, and healing – one word at a time.

I am not sure what thoughts will come, what stories will unfold, or what statements will be made. But I am sure that I have lot of things in me that need to be put on the page, that deserve to be read and heard. I hope some of those things will make you smile, laugh, think, and maybe even cry. As I feel the emotion that my words bring to me, I will do my best to portray it to you with honesty and care. Writing is both my gift and my bane…and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

From me to you, it is Passionately Written.